It might just be restlessness or the fact that little mistakes at work, some not within my control, are heavily weighing on my shoulders, or it may be some of the stupidity I deal with on a daily basis.
It might be the frustration of never having enough money or not living with my husband and not having what I imagine to be the typical "honeymoon" period that my other newlywed friends get to experience (while also having a secure, well-paid job and purchasing a new house.) I don't expect a fairy-tale life and I don't even want a house! So what the hell is wrong with me?
I asked my mother, "What am I going to do with my life?!" to which she replied, "I don't know, whatever you want to do." And that's the problem, I don't know anymore. I've wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember. Since third grade I've been filling up pages of journals with stories, poems and day to day life.
Journalism seemed to be the logical choice when I went to college. What could be better than writing stories for a living. And that was the extent of my media knowledge when I took my first reporting class. It was even more assuring to discover that the principles of journalism, the first amendment, the fourth estate, the gatekeeper, was something I truly believed in.
My college mentor taught me a lot of things and had me excited about a career in print. Perhaps one thing he failed to mention or that I failed to pick up on was journalism is not a career, its your life. I go to bed thinking of story ideas, mistakes from the last edition, who I dread calling tomorrow and some days the work day doesn't end until 9 or 10 p.m. (and I'm just a weekly reporter.) Imagine the life of a daily metro editor.
It's not all bad. I meet interesting people, I know just about everything going on and occasionally I get to cover something fun or important. But I'm not sure I want the life of a daily journalist, and I can't afford to be a weekly reporter (or editor) the rest of my life. Which is another good point. Why is one of the most important institutions in the world one of the most underpaid? Everyone complains about the credibility of the media but realistically what can you expect from reporters making about $25,000 a year?
OK, this has become a bitch-fest and that was not my intention. I should be happy that I was able to get a job in my preferred field within six months of graduating and to work at a respectable newspaper with three other experienced journalists who value the importance of accuracy, consistency and honesty.
I just feel like I'm not progressing fast enough. It seems every way I look there is no where to go. I concentrated in public relations for two years and minored in sociology. I would love to do PR for a small college or nonprofit and I think I would enjoy teaching journalism or advising a college newspaper. But do I really want to encourage other naive students to pursue an uncertain path? Who knows where journalism will be in another 1o years.
Why can't I just write and publish want I want? What do I need to do to start my own magazine? I need a master's degree in something that will help this dream along. In the meantime, I need to keep working on my book. I also need to keep my aspirations in perspective. I'm almost 25 and I've only been out of school for two years. I'm doing OK, I just always want something better.
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