Good deed salvages a disappointing day

 One unfortunate incident can set the tone for a bad day, but as I witnessed last weekend, sometimes one good deed can turn things around.

The Mountaineer Relay for Life team has been committed to being more hands on with our fundraising efforts this year. With guidance from our team captain Rick Bohleber, we came up with some great fundraisers that are also symbolic of this year’s theme, “Celebrating the Courage to fight.”

Lifestyles Editor Rachel Robles led the charge on a grapple-thon and self-defense class to be taught by her jujitsu dojo. First-time fundraisers are scary because you never know whether your handwork and planning will pay off, but it was a success! We raised more than $600 in a matter of two hours — completely worth it.

Then we decided we’d do a car smash fundraiser because Rachel had an old car sitting in her driveway just waiting to be destroyed. Everything else just fell in place — the American Legion let us use their parking lot, tow trucks volunteered to deliver the car and clean up the mess, we got the sledgehammers, the safety glasses and everything else we needed.

I can’t tell you how much fun we had spray-painting that car in all Relay purple pride. Saturday arrived and with beautiful weather and plenty of foot traffic downtown, it was a sure thing. But it wasn’t. For all the time we put into planning and executing, we only had a few people wanting to hit the car for a small donation.

Maybe we shouldn’t have done it while students were still on spring break or maybe we could have advertised it better or maybe we should have found a more prominent location, but it didn’t matter by then. I don’t like losing and this was a major loss in my eyes. I was grumpy and I could feel my skin scorching in the sun as we tried our best to get people to stop, but all we got were strange looks.

We ended up smashing most of the car by ourselves. Our reporter Shelby Harrell failed to put on gloves and got a piece of glass stuck in her finger so I sent her home to clean it. It was down to Rachel and her husband Robbie, a teacher at Tuscola, Tuscola student Austin Cowan and me.

As we stood there wondering how much more damage we could do to this poor car, we noticed a groundhog running from the woods behind the American Legion toward the woods on the other side of Legion Drive.

“Awe… look how cute,” I said.

But then it became clear to all of us watching that this groundhog was about to meet its untimely death. A car was driving past just as the groundhog darted into the road. With that helpless feeling in our gut, we watched as the groundhog became road kill.

That was it! This was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day and there was no way to salvage it. We began cleaning up, and Rachel and Robbie left. Austin and I watched cars swerve around the groundhog while waiting for the tow truck to haul off our decimated car.

Then we noticed a truck stop in front of the groundhog. A man got out and casually walked over to the animal, picked it up by it’s tail and delivered it to the grassy knoll on the side of the road. He got back in his truck and continued on, waving to us as he drove past. But it wasn’t until he drove by that I noticed who it was — Rep. Joe Sam Queen of Waynesville. 

The running joke is that Rep. Queen is everywhere. You see him walking at MedWest Fitness Center, you see him calling the square dances on Main Street, you see him leading parades and kissing babies at the March for Dimes event — and there he was again clearing the roadway when he thought no one was looking.

It was enough to redeem my day of disappointment. Thank you Joe Sam for being there.

No more excuses in 2014

Bring it on 2014!

Another year has come and gone with last year's resolutions forgotten by most of us. But no matter how quickly I abandoned my resolutions from last year, I continue to make them year after year. Usually I vow to work out and eat better, which I can keep up for a month before slowly falling off the proverbial wagon.
But I figure this year I will go big or go home! My New Year's resolution is NO MORE EXCUSES. This will be the most difficult resolution I've ever taken on because I'm really good at coming up with a good excuse for anything and everything. I know I'm getting too old to make excuses for not living my most productive life — it's just plain laziness.

No more procrastination

There's no reason why I can't get up 30 minutes earlier in the morning to work out — I'm usually awake anyway refusing to get out of bed. There's no reason I can't eat healthier throughout the day.
Procrastination is my worst downfall. I wait until the last minute to take care of things in my life because they might be difficult or because I'm scared of the outcome.
I don't want to get insurance because it's complicated and expensive, I don't want to go to the dentist because the hygienist might make me feel bad about not flossing or for not visiting more often and who wants to deal with those pesky student loans anyway?
I want to be more proactive at work. I want to plan out my month, my weeks and my days to be more productive and not put off phone calls for tomorrow that can be made today (even if it's the last person I want to talk to).
I want to be able to wash my dishes as I use them, wash my clothes instead of letting them pile up in the floor and straighten up my room every day.
I want to be more involved in my community. Do that end, I have signed up to be the publicity chairperson for Haywood County's Relay for Life in May. This will give me a chance to help a grew cause, get involved and meet people in the community and to use my writing/marketing/PR skills for something I truly care about.

Write, write and write some more!

While all of those things are important to tackle head on, it's one of my most enjoyable priorities that I feel I placed on the back burner in 2013. I love writing in many capacities whether it's writing breaking news stories, features for the Guide, blogging or reading others' writings. But when you write all day professionally, sometimes it's hard to come home and find inspiration to write for yourself.
Again, I have no excuse. Writing is my life, it's my therapy and I need to do more of it. I have stories in my head that need to make it to paper. Writing is what makes us better writers and I resolve to finish my first novel this year. It's something I've been working on off and on since 2008. I get excited about it for a while and then I won't work on it for months at a time because I'm too busy or because I started working on another story.

I'm going to write at least a page a day to get it done. I'm not that far away with about 24,000 words under my belt. I need to remember that finishing it doesn't mean it is complete. But I can't start revising and making it better until the story is complete.  As Ernest Hemingway said, "The hardest thing about writing a novel is finishing it."
I thought I was almost done when I let a friend read it to give me feedback. Her feedback made me rethink my entire ending, which means a good deal of the story has to change. Also, I chose to write it in first person when I began, but now I don't like that so I'm changing it to third person — another big transition.

Finding inspiration

Interviewing author, journalist, photographer and filmmaker Nadia Dean for this week’s Guide gave me some inspiration to take on more this year. She had a story she knew she had to tell and that’s exactly what she’s done.

Her historical narrative on the Cherokee War of 1776, “A Demand of Blood,” shines a light on an untold part of our history and the people who shaped our country. And it took her eight years to complete because of all the research she had to conduct first.
The story also inspired her to write music again. She composed an entire soundtrack of music to go with the story and received grants to adapt the story into a 53-minute film as well as a stage adaption centered around one of her main characters in the book.
I have no doubt Dean’s book would make an incredible movie in the future so be sure to read the book first! It just goes to show that you just never know where a good story will take you. I believe in my story, which also has a lot of historical importance and requires research like Dean's book. However, I've got it easy because plenty has been written on my topic, unlike the Cherokee War.
But I know if I can do all these things I will be a happier, more fulfilled person in the years to come and that is why we keep making resolutions year after year.

So I wish everyone luck in sticking with their resolutions however trying they may be. I have a feeling it's going to be a good year.

Epic Road Trip — Part 2

We stayed in a sketchy hotel room in Wilmington that night and stayed up way too late drinking and telling stories. Our late night resulted in a late start the next morning.

We tried to stop somewhere to get decent clothes to wear to see "Phantom of the Opera" and we got a little turned around — set us back a couple of hours. Between the traffic and endless tolls we had to pay, driving up North is not something I would ever recommend. We found a parking lot in the city and started walking around the city. It was just like I remembered it — except Time Square was a mess with a bunch of construction. We grabbed some drinks, ate a ridiculous meal at Carmine's Italian restaurant. We were so full with chicken marsala and scaloppini afterward.

We took a quick walk around Grand Central Station before heading back to Majestic Theatre to see Phantom. We had nosebleed seats all the way at the top and made it to the top balcony just as the lights were going down. We had to literally walk on people to get to our seats. But it was worth it. Phantom was amazing — not sure if dad and Matt appreciated it as much as I did.

Knowing it was the only day we had in New York, we walked 10 blocks down to the Empire State Building determined to see the best view of the city at night. Considering it was almost 11 p.m. on a Tuesday night, we couldn't believe the line of people waiting to get to the top. I wouldn't want to be in that line on a Saturday! But it was worth it. The view was unbelievable. What a great day it had been.

After a long day of driving and walking around NYC, we were getting pretty exhausted. We spent the night in Newark, where we learned we could have taken a shuttle into the city from there instead of paying almost $50 to park! Anyway, we stopped to see Leilah again in Wilmington the next day and got to tour her school and dorm. The we drop back to Virginia. We found a hole in the wall town to stay at close to the entrance of Skyline Drive in Shenandoah National Park.

The next day dad let me drive down Skyline Drive while he enjoyed a six pack in the back seat! LOL! It was a beautiful peaceful ride but when we reached the end 100 miles later, we still had six hours to go back to Asheville.

We got home Thursday afternoon. It was a whirlwind vacation but I was glad to get back and still have a few days to recover at home. I was glad to do some traveling with my hubby and also spend some quality time with my dad. Can't remember the last vacation we took together. I'm proud of my little sister making it on her own in Wilmington. And I can't wait to plan our next excursion.

Epic road trip it is — Part 1

I don't like ultimatums — I like to figure out a way to have my cake and eat it too. Life is too short.

In my last post I was trying to decide whether to be spontaneous and take a road trip up the East Coast or save for a down payment on a house. Well after being pre-approved for a 100-percent USDA loan, I decided the road trip was still doable. Dad was planning on driving up to see Leilah in Delaware in September so he convinced me and Matt to combine our trips.

Now, the idea of being in a car with my father for a week was not very appealing, but how could we pass up free gas and a free driver? So with two weeks to plan our trip I started outlining our route, booking hotel rooms and deciding the stopping points. Charlottesville, Va., Washington, D.C., Baltimore, Md., Wilmington, De., Philadelphia, Pa., New York City and back again.

We knew it was ambitious but what the hell? How many chances in our busy lives do we get to drop everything and get on the road?

We drove 6 hours to Charlottesville enjoying the mountain views along the way — the Great Smoky Mountains are an unbelievable and serene experience. Our first disappoint was a stop I planned for Matt at a guitar museum shaped like a large guitar. It was closed of course but it made for a good laugh and photo op.

The Charlottesville traffic was insane! It didn't take us long to realize there was a Taylor Swift concert that night. Little girls were hanging out of windows squealing and holding signs. We stirred clear from the mess and had dinner before hanging out at the Mellow Mushroom on campus and trying lots of good local beer. My favorite? The "Sweet Baby Jesus" — a peanut butter beer.

It was only a two-hour drive into D.C. the next morning. We found a parking spot and made our way to the Newseum. It was amazing and way too much to take in within a couple of hours. It's overwhelming. I bought little souvenirs for my newsroom girls — of course at some point during the day I lost them either in a bathroom or in a cab. So it goes...

But seeing the history of my profession is pretty powerful for me. I feel proud to be a part of it. Even with all the mistakes we make on a daily basis, we are writing history on every level. It reminded me of the importance of what I do and that I am in good company. I can see myself someday in D.C., in some capacity. But perhaps I've been watching too much "West Wing" and "Scandal."

It was a beautiful day for sight seeing. We ate a gyro from a food truck and sat in the grass to take in everything around us, including the National Monument in the backdrop. We walked the two miles to see all the monuments. It's surreal finally seeing all those icons that we see on the screen so often. And it was quite lucky that we went when we did because if we had waited another month like Matt and I had planned, it would have been in the midst of the 15-day government shutdown, which means all the monuments would have been closed!

We stayed at The Rouge —a cute boutique hotel. We drank quite a bit of rum before walking a mile to Ben's Chili Bowl for dinner. It was a "must-do" food recommendation from my former editor Blake Spurney. The place is a historic landmark now after surviving fire riots in the 70s. Bill Cosby and President Barack Obama have frequented the place and their faces are plastered on the side of the building.

The chili burgers were evil — heartburn city! We ate way too much and couldn't force ourselves to do anymore site seeing after that so we went back to the hotel and continued to drink. And then this happened: As I was checking out the bathroom, I noticed a water bubble on the ceiling above the toilet. I made the mistake if mentioning to dad who of course had to go in the bathroom and poke at the water bubble. The water bubble bursts and the nasty (probably toilet) water splattered in the toilet bowl. 

In Matt's drunken state he decides the front desk people should know about what happened. He tells the lady that he was "doing his business" when the water bubble exploded by itself on top of his head. Surely mortified and also trying not to laugh, the lady offered to change our room but we refused. They sent someone to look at it and then someone brought us a complimentary bottle of champagne and 2 free breakfast tickets for the inconvenience. That is the least they could do considering they charged us $50 for valet parking once we got there. 

We made our way down to breakfast the next morning to nurse our hangovers. Then we saw the news — law enforcement was on the lookout for a shooter or shooters who randomly shot people at the Navy shipyard right there in D.C. — just miles away from where we were. We quickly got out of there to get to Baltimore to pick up my little sister. 

The exit we needed to take was blocked with police — no entry. The GPS couldn't tell us how to turn around because we had no signal — probably because the helicopters were hovering overhead. Needless to say, we had to take the long way to Baltimore. By the time we picked up Leilah and got to Philadelphia it was almost night time. But we got to explore and eat and Philly cheesesteak. It was yummy! 

Part 2 to come — stay tuned for a drunken night in a sketchy hotel in Wilmington followed by an epic, short lived day in NYC.

Another year older

Tomorrow I will turn 28 — I wonder if others are as contemplative about their birthdays as I am? I just read my blog post from when I turned 25 and it seems decades away, yet the sentiment is pretty much the same as I feel today.

While I think I will hold on to a bitterness each year of growing older, I can also bask in the brief contentment of growing, improving and dreaming. I reach goals and reach further for new ones. As I read my 25-year-old thoughts, it's comforting to know I've accomplished many of those goals, overcome some of those anxieties and Matt and I are well on our way to being where we want to be at 30.

At 25, we were just married and barely living together and making ends meet. Since then we've taken chances together and those risks have paid off. We moved to Florida for better opportunities. We made the best of it though it wasn't our ideal location — enjoyed time with my mom and sister.

I grew professionally — became the editor of a community newspaper by 26 and produced work that I can be proud of for years to come. I formed relationships with amazing people and passed on everything I love and learned about journalism to two reporters. Their persistence and encouragement pushed me to do my best and I pushed them to be better in return.

We earned the most prestigious awards in the state for editorials, investigative reporting, feature writing,  First Amendment Defense and more. I couldn't be more proud of my short tenure there. But I always know when it's time for me to go.

I had the opportunity to not only continue my career at a larger paper and use the master's degree I worked so hard to earn — but we had the opportunity to move to one of the most beautiful parts of the country. So here we are near Asheville, North Carolina. As my dad likes to say, "We're living the dream."

I have a great job, great co-workers and a supporter editor. I get to write the news and also serve as editor of an arts and entertainment publication. Matt and I have been playing more shows around town and feel like we're thriving in this community rich with culture and fine arts.

I try to keep that in mind as I whine about turning 28. It's a weird age. It's not quite 30, but close enough. It’s an age where you feel you should be closer to getting your priorities straight but a part of you wants to hold on to your 20s for as long as you can.

For example — Matt and I are trying to decide whether we want to use the money we’ve saved for the past year (not as much as it should be) to go on an epic vacation this fall or use that money to put a down payment on a house. Adventure or first time home ownership? It’s really a hard decision. Trying to keep your life on schedule or throwing caution (and money) to the wind and going where life takes you — preferably a road trip up the East coast.

I'm still contemplating that one. But in the meantime and do my best to live in the moment and remember that as much as I may try, I can't plan every moment in my life — and why would I want to? It's always the unexpected that makes life worth living. Like my new puppy Atticus!

Women: Your expectations are too high

My mother has a strange wedding gift to give brides in our family before their big day.

It’s a book called “Marriage Shock: The Transformation of Women into Wives” by Dalma Heyn. She loaned me the book before my wedding more than three years ago and also to my sister-in-law before she married my brother.

I’ll admit I didn’t read it thoroughly — I skimmed its pages to get the gist of it, but I didn’t think it applied to me. I had already taken numerous sociology classes in college on gender and women’s studies. I get it. But the concept probably rings true for many young women who feel like their lives will be complete from the moment they say, “I do.”

Now I’ve loaned it to my colleague DeeAnna Haney who will be tying the knot next year. I’m not assuming it will apply to her either — it was just a precautionary measure, of course.

What I took away from it was simple: women’s expectations of marriage are often unrealistic and you can’t rely on a man (or anyone for that matter) to make you happy. And this isn’t a man-bashing statement. Men should actually be thankful that such a book exists to take some pressure off of them — we’re only human after all.

From the time we are little girls, we dress up and play house with our Fisher Price kitchen sets, Easy Bake Ovens and baby dolls. We pretend Barbie doll and Ken get married, have a baby and will live happily ever after. Boys are not conditioned to even think of such things — their games and toys revolve around exploring and adventure.

Courtesy of Knittingparadise.com

It isn’t completely our fault that we think about getting married from a young age and think it will be all sunshine and roses. But the truth is every marriage is different. Your marriage doesn’t have to be like your parents’ or your best friend’s marriage. You can chart your own course and break the stereotypes that need to be broken.

In the book, Heyn talks about ways for women to acknowledge and overcome those deeply ingrained social and personal expectations so that a woman can be a wife and still maintain her sense of self.

I don’t blame my mother for giving what could be perceived as a pretty rude gift to rain on a bride’s parade. After seeing many of my friends in their 20s divorced or on their second marriages, I am now the first to badger them with “Are you sure?” “Have you talked about money?” “Have you talked about kids?” “Religion and politics?”

Many couples seem to overlook these factors when they're head over heels and planning a wedding. Not to say a difference of opinion on these big topics is a deal breaker, but it’s better to lay it all out on the table beforehand instead of five or 10 years down the road. Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce — a pretty scary statistic.

Marriage has enough surprises on a daily basis without having to worry about whether your spouse will ever change his or her mind about having children or whether you and your husband will raise your child Jewish or Methodist.

Maybe it’s because my husband and I both came from a long lineage of divorce (and dating for nine years couldn’t have hurt), but I felt like we entered into our marriage with eyes wide open. I didn’t want to have any doubts, but I was doubtful that day would ever come. How can you ever be sure? But one day it did come. It was a peaceful moment of clarity. We made an absolute commitment to not only love each other but to stand by each other and take this journey through life together. 

It’s not always easy — but I know nothing worth having in life is ever easy.

I’m by no means and expert on marriage. However, my one piece of advice for women would be not to focus so much on the happiness of your wedding day but on how to sustain that happiness with your partner for the rest of your life. 

Courtesy of Empowernetwork.com

Journalism loses fearless reporter

Michael Hastings, 33, died June 18 in a car crash in Los Angeles. While I’m sure his death is a great personal loss for his friends and family, it’s a greater loss for a dying breed of journalists.

His name may not ring any bells for you, but I bet you remember his work of exposes’ — most notably “The Runaway General.”

Hastings’ is the Rolling Stone journalist who is credited with ending Gen. Stanley McChrystal’s career after his profile on McChrystal was published in 2010. The general, who at the time was the commander of the Afghanistan war, was exposed in the article for his arrogance and failures.

Michael Hastings and his book/Courtesy of Salon.com

He is quoted criticizing President Barack Obama, Vice President Joe Biden, foreign ambassadors and other military personnel. Hastings’ portrayal of the untouchable general cost McChrystal his position.

Hastings was known and respected in the world of journalism for his unwillingness to “cozy up to power.” A decision to print an article like that is not made lightly. Fact checkers pour over the information, managing editors weigh every possible outcome, but in the end it comes down to telling the entire — sometimes ugly — truth.

Too many reporters today are more concerned with gaining and maintaining access to those in power that they are willing to close their eyes and ears to the truth. At best they will report watered down versions of the truth and at worst they will regurgitate a press release provided by a politician’s public relations machine.

Even though McChrystal’s aides disputed that the printed comments were “off the record,” they never argued that he was misquoted. 

We’ll probably never know whether the results of the article were intended to be off the record or not. The question readers and journalists have to ask themselves is “does it matter?” Are those rules worth breaking when it’s the right thing to do? Is the public better off knowing the truth about how our leaders act in a critical time of war?

As journalists, we must remain honest and loyal to our readers first and foremost — that’s who we work for and that’s who matters. That said — I believe Hastings did the right thing. Even in his short life, he is one of the lucky few who will leave behind a respectable legacy of journalistic integrity.

That is what all journalists should strive for in their reporting. There are three pieces of advice given to me by trusted mentors that I live by professionally.

My first journalism teacher told me:

“Credibility is the only thing a journalist has. Once you lose it, you can’t get it back.”

Objectivity — a crucial part of establishing credibility — is hard to come by in today’s media. The so-called TV news personalities aren’t even expected to be objective anymore. You know their leanings within the first few minutes and instantly lose all credibility with viewers.

My father told me:

“Never burn your bridges; you never know when you may have to cross them again.” 

While I try to avoid bridge burning whenever possible, I must always be prepared for that outcome when I write a news story that I know may upset someone. But I can’t let that outweigh the importance of the truth.

My first editor told me:

“We’re not here to make friends; we’re here to report the news.” 

This doesn’t mean I don’t like the people I write about. It just means I can’t let my personal feelings toward someone affect the outcome of a story.

Journalists are not perfect — we’re human and we often make mistakes. We can only learn from those mistakes and be honest with ourselves about our shortcomings. I strive every day to create a consistent record of reporting accurately and fairly. Hopefully that will allow me to leave behind a legacy that speaks for itself and inspires others to seek the truth. 

Read the complete article, "The Runaway General."