Topic?

I couldn't think of a specific topic for today. My brain is fried.

I had a wonderful birthday weekend. Dad and Marsha took Matt and I to Longhorns where we bitched about the food, the service and the pathetic dessert. Brandon and Mallory joined us. We had our auditions in Athens Saturday, and it went very well. One judge told us we were the only act they saw that has "national talent." So funny. 

Matt had to embarrass me by telling the panel of judges our whole life story and how we met. All I remember was him saying we met at a concert and the music "inspired us to love." I think he did it on purpose because he knows I hate that cheesy shit! But the judges ate it up.

Watching the videos on YouTube I realized I have no stage presence and Matt kept his eyes closed the entire time. But they liked us and if we get through we get to play at the Classic Center in Athens, which seats more than 2,000 people!! It would be good exposure I guess. 

On Sept. 25 we'll be playing at 'Taste of Decatur' in Atlanta. We won't get paid but again it's good exposure and we'll get free food tickets! You can't beat that. Matt doesn't know it yet but I've signed us up to play at Common Ground Cafe, which is a cafe associated with a church in Cleveland. They'll pass around a tip jar and we can try to sell CDs. 

He can consider it revenge for embarrassing me during our audition.

After the audition we got to hang out with our Athens friend and new home owner Tracy. We walked around in the sweltering heat, drank plenty of jager and watched Whiskey Gentry at the 40 Watt. Sunday was relaxing day, much needed.

Then Monday it was back to the grind. & stories to spit out and a zillion meetings. $32 million in bonds were issued to create a new business park and build a new school. Fun Fun. Now the paper is out, and I have to figure out what to write for next week.

I think that about sums it up. I'll try to be more insightful next week.

 

Bohemian Jean turns 25

My birthday is Friday, and I'll be 25. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Ambivalent I guess since I wasn't one of those people who sat down when they were 15 and said 'this is where I want to be in 10 years.'

What is scary is where I would like to see myself at 30. Of course the concept is much scarier if I think of 30 as only being 5 years away. At 30 I'd like to be living in the Pacific Northwest or at least NOT GEORGIA! Nashville would be a compromise. I would also like to have a baby by 30, which means Matt and I would need to make enough money to have a baby. 

Maybe we can get it together by then. We should have our cars paid off by then at least. We definitely have a lot of growing up to do before then. Since I'm having a difficult time controlling my job situation, Matt's job situation, my location, Matt's location, my living space, income flow and aging, I'm determined to focus on being myself.

Is that a dumb statement? Can there ever be a time when you're not yourself? I hate when people say, "Well that doesn't sound like her?" I'm always me, but sometimes I do or say or have to write things that make me question what type of person I am or want to be.

 So in a quest to remember who I am, I was rereading "Bohemian Manifest" the other day. While bohemians are stereotyped with many different characteristics, I found the only consist qualities are being artistic and being contrary. Ok, I've got those down, but I need to focus  more on my creative side.

I write all day long but as a job, and it's hard to make myself write creatively when I come home. I used to write so much poetry (good and bad) but now I just stare at a blank page. I guess jewelry making and scrap booking counts as creation too right? I do plenty of that.

Other bohemian qualities I possess: 

I live simply due to poverty. Small cabin, no central heating or air, no microwave, no dishwasher. Nothing I have is extravagant, and the only thing fairly new is my computer(but no Internet). My furniture is ugly and used, my t.v. is used, my kitchen table is from the 60's. I didn't purchase any of these items. All hand-me downs.

I'm messy and it doesn't bother me. With a sink full of dirty dishes, I will wash one plate and one fork so I can eat dinner. I'll take the trash out when it stinks, wash clothes when I run out of underwear and sweep the dog hair off the floor when the fan causes the hair to turn into the Dust Bowl.

Apparently bohemians are too nostalgic for dusting or cleaning out an ashtray. This is so me! Of course keeping stray butts in the ashtray is more of a back up plan than nostalgia over who's lips have touched the filter.

I'm a daydreamer. I sleep to dream. I like to meditate and do yoga. I don't like being in one place for too long. I like wearing flowing skirts, peasant tops and tie-dyed shirts. I like burning incense, smoking a cigarette (inside) and listening to my record player.

Bohemian qualities I don't possess:

I'm big on hygiene, which according to my book, is not a major priority for many bohemians. I like to be clean and I hardly ever wear makeup to bed. I pay my bills on time and I suppose in some circles my job would be considered "selling out" or "working for the man." 

But only when I become so wrapped up in my job that I put it ahead of everything else would I consider it "selling out." Here is the quality I wish I had: being content in poverty. We would all be happy if we could master this one, but it's the most difficult. How do you learn to not stress when you don't have enough money?

I'm working on this one.

Anyway, back to my birthday. It should be a good weekend. Dad is taking me out to dinner Friday night and then Saturday Matt and I have an audition in Athens for Athens' Got Talent. Hopefully we have enough votes to put us through to the main showcase on October.

Matt got us a hotel room in Athens so we can go out to dinner after the audition and hang out downtown to celebrate my birthday.

I couldn't be happier.

My Best Friend

A best friend is someone with whom you've shared every important moment of your life.

I've known Amy since we were 3 years old. We went to Kids Korner together, we went to gymnastics together, we went on vacations together, we played basketball, we cheered on the same teams.

We were inseparable. It may be true that you're stuck with friends that you grow up with, but I couldn't think of a better person I'd rather be stuck with my whole life. She's not perfect, I'm not perfect. Some years we grow closer, some years we grow apart. But I know she is always there. Amy and I could not speak for years and pick up right where we left off without missing a beat.

We've shared good moments; we've walked down the aisle at graduation together, we've watched each other walk down the aisle at our weddings and we've celebrated the birth of her son Rylan.

We've also shared the saddest of moments, and Amy has had more than her fair share of them. I've been there for her when she lost two of the most important people in her life, her mother and grandmother. Susan was my second mother and Big Mama was probably the closest thing I ever had to a real grandmother.

Amy's parents adopted her as a baby. She never knew too much about her biological parents and didn't really care to find them. But she also knew she might have an older brother. Being the only child, Amy always wanted siblings.

She began her search a couple of years ago at the adoption agency in Gainesville. I know it was a long and agonizing process for Amy but she kept trying. Obviously her biological mother didn't want to be found. Even when she was found, Amy couldn't contact her directly.

For all those years, her biological mother was only a county away living in Gainesville. She learned she did have an older brother who was a U.S. Marine and had been deployed in Afghanistan and Iraq. She spoke to her biological mother once on the phone, but was more excited about talking to her brother Chris.

They've spoke on the phone and Chris has racked up many expensive phone bills from texting back and forth from overseas. I was happy to share in another happy moment last weekend when Amy invited me and few other friends out to dinner to meet her brother. 

I was nervous so I thought Amy would be a nervous wreck. But no, Amy was calm and collected and she and Chris carried on like they had known each other their whole lives. Previously, Amy thought they probably had different fathers but after closer examination, they might be full siblings. 

They have the same lips and eyes. Chris said Amy has his father's characteristics that he didn't get. I observed the same sort of dry, sarcastic humor from both of them. They are both strong, opinionated people who don't apologize for it. It was incredible to see the similarities between two people who had never met.

At last Amy has found a piece of her life she felt was missing as a child, and I couldn't be happier for her. However, the plot thickens and her journey continues after discovering her biological mother placed two other baby girls up for adoption.

I'm sure Amy's head is spinning with questions of why and how a mother could keep one son and give three girls up for adoption, but she is realistic about finding the answers. She accepts that circumstances of abuse and poverty probably played a role in her mother's decisions. She isn't angry. She just wants a relationship with her brother and will continue to look for her two sisters.

She grew up in a family that loved her and provided her with everything she needed. It wasn't perfect, but neither was Chris' life growing up. And as he pointed out to me Saturday, I would have never grown up with Amy had she never been adopted.

So thank you Amy for bringing happiness into my life, and thank you Chris for bringing happiness into Amy's life.

Thankful for small doses

I love my family, I really do. But I also do a happy dance when they leave to go home. 

My mom and little sister came up from Florida and spent a few days with me and a couple of days in Asheville. I barely get to see them, and I'm always so excited for them to get here, but it never lives up to my expectations.

I guess I keep hoping that the next time I see my sister, now 17, that she'll be older, wiser, nicer, but that never happens. This visit I was especially excited because it coincided with our show at Fromage. I envisioned us getting to play a few songs together and everyone being amazed at our sibling talent.

She too was excited about the idea of getting to play, but her idea of how it would go down is always different. When we tried to practice, she yelled at me for wanting to sing songs that she introduced me to, she didn't want to sing harmony and she didn't want to share. 

At that point my dreams were crushed, and I had a flashback to when she was 5, screaming and banging on the floor, demanding to watch the Spice Girl movie for the 100th time when I wanted to watch T.V. 

We ended up playing a couple of songs together at the show anyway, but I don't know how good it sounded. I also let her play a few of her songs while me and Matt took a break. She's good, her songs are good, but she's not very gracious.

For further injury, she just couldn't wait for me and Matt to finish because she was so bored. She and her friend sat there and text messaged the entire show. How dare we play covers that people enjoy hearing. She's too good for that.

It's not all bad, we have good moments. I just need to accept our relationship for what it is and not expect it to be anything more. Just like parents have to accept their children the way they are, which brings me to my mother.

She arrived at my place at 3:15 a.m. and one of the first things she said was how dusty my fans were. Before she went to sleep she patted my hand saying "Oohh your hands are so soft, probably because you don't do any house work." Of course she said it in a loving, joking way but still, she insists on critiquing my cleaning abilities.

I have never been an adequate housekeeper by her standards but I constantly remind her that maybe if I wasn't forced to clean up after Leilah when we were younger and then forced to clean up after my father too, then maybe I wouldn't mind doing more dishes and cleaning my fans.

I rent a 1907 cabin, have to work some nights and weekends on top of 40 hours a week and have a dog that sheds enough hair daily to produce a fur coat. The minimal cleaning duties keep me busy enough.

I can't leave my dad out of my complaints either. He did come to my show Saturday night, but he refused to order a meal because the one other time he ate there he didn't like it. RUDE. Then he kept yelling across the porch at the waitress "ma'am! ma'am!" while I'm trying to sing. SO RUDE!

Then on Sunday, mom cooked this amazing meal with veggies from paw paw's garden and from Osage Farms. We had fried okra, corn on the cob, barbecue pork, tomatoes, cucumbers and coleslaw. Well dad dropped Leilah off and just came on in with his girlfriend and helped himself to two plates of food, leaving me with no leftovers. What's the point of having mom cook if I don't get leftovers?

My brother was the only one who didn't annoy me this week. He came to my show with his girlfriend Saturday and thoroughly enjoyed the food and wine. Thank you Jonathan. He also proposed to his girlfriend Joanna on Sunday and I'm excited about a wedding!